By Dilfred Dumphry
Why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why did I decide to go to Brit?? The stench is horrendous and there are diseased rats running around everywhere!! Check this out:
You see that woman there? She’s a waitress!! And wrestling that thing!! She actually had to touch it! Ew! Yuck! Talk about fearless! *shudders* Once I saw that, I had to find out where she worked… so I wouldn’t eat there by accident.
As some of you may recall, I’m on a mission to find brandy, the drink not the wench. I quickly learned there was none to be found in Brit. In fact very little of anything could be found in Brit. The raiders were even avoiding that city. Sad sad sad. I was about to head out when the town cries announced a call to arms to clean up Brit. I decided to join in. Maybe someone in the crowd would know where I could get a hold of some brandy.
First stop, Brit sewers. And I thought the city had smelled bad. The sewers gave a whole new meaning to what I consider to be a ‘bad smell’. Bob tells us that we will work our way all the way through into the lost lands cleaning as we go. Bob must have noticed some puzzled looks since he went on to explain that ‘cleaning’ meant ‘exterminating anything that moves’. I doubted that that would help the stench any, but hopefully it would get rid of the rats.
The sewers turned out to be quite a labyrinth of slime, stench and creatures that loved to bite. Somehow we made it into the lost lands where there were more creatures wanting to snack on us. So we killed them before they killed us and considered our duty was done. But nooooo! Bob reminded us that there were still rats in Brit and if we didn’t want them breeding, we needed to exterminate them. *sigh*
When the last rat was down, I headed to theInnI had been staying at. They wouldn’t let me in!! I had to strip down, burn my clothes which caused a minor explosion, and take a quick dip in the river before they would allow me in. Fortunately by the time I got back they had a bath with lots of soap waiting for me, free of charge. Yes that’s how bad I stank.
So another day done and still no brandy. I’m not sure where to go to next, but I’ll decide that tomorrow. Until then, this is Dilfred Dumphry wishing everyone safe travels.